Ment or Malaria

How to Hustle Without Running Mad in This Lagos Life

There’s a thin line between “hustle fatigue” and “malaria symptoms” in this country, and honestly? I can’t tell which is which sometimes.

One minute, you’re grinding like you want to break generational curses; next minute, you’re shivering like 9 year old you who got caught stealing fried fish from your mom’s banga stew, wondering: “Is this burnout or am I just broke and sick?”

Welcome to “Ment or Malaria?”, your unofficial guide to surviving the Nigerian hustle without ending up on a hospital drip (or a therapist’s couch, if you can afford it).

The Symptoms: Ment vs. Malaria

Ment (Mental Exhaustion):

• Headache: From staring at that laptop screen for *checking time* 10 hours, abi?

• Body Weakness: After sending 50 job applications on LinkedIn with no reply

• Feverish Rage: When your boss tells you how to write that code for the 5th time (why did you employ me if you could do it so well???)

(Ment)

Malaria (The Real One):

• Headache: Plus you’re cold in this hot weather

• Body Weakness: Alert don come but strength no dey

• Feverish Rage: Directed at mosquitoes, not clients (though both suck your blood)
  

💡 Diagnosis Tip:
If you can still argue on Twitter, it’s ment. If you can’t even drag Tinube, it’s malaria.

Treatment Plan

Ment

• Garri Therapy: 3 cups + sugar + groundnut + chilled iceblock = temporary happiness

• NEPA-Free Venting: Scream into your pillow (and save data, biko)

• Delulu Affirmations: “I am rich in spirit (and debt)”

Delulu Affirmations

Malaria

• Agbo Jedi: Because hospital bills are for people with BVN alerts

• Panadol + Coke: The Nigerian IV drip (Don’t try this at home kids)

• Prayer Warriors: Na to put Auntie Nneka on standby

A traditional Agbo setup

Real Prevention Tips (Because "Manage It" Isn't a Plan)

For Ment (Mental Health):

• The 5-9 Before the 9-5: Spend 30 mins before bed not scrolling (read, pray, or stare at the ceiling in peace).

  Pro Tip: Charge your phone outside your room. Yes, it hurts, but so does burnout.

• The "No" Challenge: Reject one non-urgent request this week (that "quick favor" that eats 3 hours).

  Script: "I’d love to, but I’m prioritizing my sanity this month."

• The "Fear Less, Hydrate More" Rule: Keep a water bottle at your desk. For every panic spiral, take a sip.

  Bonus: Add lemon to pretend you’re a "wellness girly."

For Malaria (Physical Health):

• Mosquito Warfare: Sleep under a net (yes, even in Lagos).

• The "Agbo Before Trouble" Ritual: Take weekly immune boosters (ginger, turmeric, or that bitter leaf your mom swears by).

• The "Know Your Body" Rule: If fatigue lasts more than 3 days + fever? Skip Google: go to a clinic.

For Both:

• The "Lagos-Proof Sabbath": Pick one day a week to ignore hustle emails (even if it’s just Sunday mornings).

• The "Alert Ally" System: Text a friend when you’re drowning. Code: "I need a hug."

When to Seek Help

🚨 For Ment: When you start envying your neighbor’s plant (it gets watered regularly).
🚨 For Malaria: When your temperature rivals Lagos traffic heat.

Look, we’re all out here “managing” whether it’s ment, malaria, or “why is Nigeria like this?” fatigue. But remember:

You’re not alone. We’re all one missed alert away from a breakdown, and that’s okay.

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💬 Comment Below:
“Ment or malaria—which one is currently winning in your life?”